The fundamentals on how to date a Chinese girl

I am writing this post to those who are genuinely interested in learning more about the people from China and who are aspired to have a healthy relationship with a Chinese girl. 

No offense, but if you are one of those who has a blank map on your wall for you to paint each country after you dated someone from there, I suggest you stop reading this post immediately. You probably don’t need these to fulfill your goal anyway, and I am sure whoever decides to date you has nothing to do with the mentality or the culture I am trying to portray here. 

1)      Take initiatives but don’t be aggressive

Not that none of us knows how to take initiatives (I myself is a good example of an initiator) but I know most Chinese girls don’t, especially in terms of dating. So if you like a Chinese girl and want to get to know her more, TALK TO HER FIRST. And if she responds in a delightful way (or in some cases responds at all!), it usually means something positive.

But be very careful not to get too aggressive in the beginning. Although many of us are very active and expressive when we really get to know someone, it would be overwhelmingly intimidating if you get too far ahead of yourself. Just be mindful that depending on her original city (east, west, coastal, non-coastal) and years living aboard, Chinese girls may exhibit very different levels of tolerance in terms of touching, hugging, or even flirting.

2)      Take it slow and be persistent

That’s why taking it slow is very important. Many Chinese girls have evolved a lot (including myself) after coming to the US (or other Western countries), but given how we were raised up and the culture embedded in our blood we are subtle with our feelings and how we express them. And chances are even the most active and outgoing Chinese girls may behave surprisingly shy, embarrassed, and vulnerable in front of those they actually have a feeling for.

In the US everything happens very fast. It is either a Yes or a No, and most American guys don’t seem to give too much time for you to think before they move on to someone else. This is obviously very efficient but I believe this prevailing culture is largely due to the fact that most American girls are more independent, self-sufficient, aggressive, and don’t seem to need too much time to think to themselves before making such a decision anyway.

However, in the case of Chinese girls and probably only in the case of Chinese girls, being persistent is not a bad thing and many times they EXPECT you to be persistent. Many Chinese girls will not agree to go out with you when you ask it for the first time, though they are already quite attracted to you actually. And if you simply move on like most Americans would do, the Chinese girls will be very confused and think to themselves: how come this guy never asks me a second time?! I thought he’s into me! 

3)      Clarify your own intentions and understand their emotional vulnerability

This may sound like something quite opposite from what we discussed in the second point, but this is crucial in terms of understanding the dating culture and mentality of Chinese girls. I only realized recently that a lot of Chinese girls, regardless of background, education and location, have the same problem of falling for someone too fast. And this pattern persists repeatedly regardless of physical attractiveness and dating experience.

It doesn’t mean they will say yes to you the first time you ask them out, but it DOES mean once they decide to go out with you, they might easily develop strong feelings for you, become more and more demanding, and desperately want to commit and wish you would do the same to the degree that you might be scared away. I am not even kidding.

SO MY SUGGESTION TO YOU IS: if you want to date a Chinese girl, and you are not sure where this is going, you need to communicate effectively how you feel about the situation (the worst thing you can do is to pretend to be serious while you only want a fling, and I will not be surprised if the Chinese girl decides to hate you for the rest of her life). Also, take the responsibility to help the Chinese girl to face their emotional dependence and vulnerability. 

And if you don’t do that, you will probably be miserable because it is guaranteed that they will give you a lot of pressure just because they simply devote so much of themselves to this relationship. 


I believe these are the three FUNDAMENTAL aspects you would like to consider when dating a Chinese girl. I will write more on practical tips later! 

What is YOUR experience dating a Chinese? Let me know what you think!


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